I made it through the Thanksgiving holiday and hope you did too. This year was harder than the last few. I had moved away from my parents about two decades ago, but I could always pick up the phone and give them a call. For 4 years now, that has not been an option. Even though for 2 of these 4 years, my Dad was alive, after a complete laryngectomy it was never the same. But now as they both have passed, the phone is not an option. Those who have not experienced this loss empathize, but cannot feel what I feel. I have talked to some and they agree that losing them both without advanced warning or time to prepare, them both still being so young (64 & 67), makes it harder than them being older, me being older, my son being older.
Saying I can talk and they are listening, sadly only gives one with empathy something to say. I know I can do this, but it’s not the same, not even close. What really hurts it when I reach out to family members to try to make it special for them while bringing family together. One invite, and I get an ‘I don’t know yet.’ Two weeks later a second invite, a week before the holiday simply receives a ‘We won’t make it.’ Well, I’m sure you can guess what thought went through my mind, and now I am done!
It is now two days after Thanksgiving and not a holiday decoration in sight. I had a day full planned for yesterday, but nothing made it past the planning stage. My lack of enthusiasm has spilled over to my household.
But today is a new day. I am going to make this happen for us. I will get past the planning stage and move into the doing stage and I will do it for us. Today is a new day to lift my spirits and take action. This is what life is for. To live to be happy with what you have and who you are. You can work to make yourself better and you can invite others on the journey, but when they are content with who they are, you cannot help them. Just like my desire to be more, they have to want it too. I have to accept that I cannot want it for them. Those of us that know being more takes work are ready for each challenge; they are not ready for the job. Today is a new day to pick myself up and accept what is. I cannot bring my parents back and I can’t make others be a family with us.
Today I am going to make this happen because today is a new day and I am better and stronger than I was yesterday.