I am currently the poster child for self-induced stress. And the reason is the holidays and family, typical right. And the bad part is that it is 100% totally self-induced and I can’t stop. It is no ones fault but my own, only because I don’t think they realize what they are doing.
It starts with the fact that, by nature, I am a care taker/control freak. This week is Thanksgiving, a time to spend as a family. Well, first, I am an immigrant, but raised in Texas, we always celebrated the holiday. It was usually; however, just the 4 of us. Then I moved and it was just my little family and occasionally we welcomed in a few guests, so they would not be alone for the holiday. And I am also a good cook 😉.
But now, my son is older (in college), my parents are deceased (both unexpected and way too soon), my sister is half way across the country, and my husbands family does their own thing. When my self-destruction comes in is that I try to have that family time…and no.
Maybe it is jealousy. Maybe it is sadness. Maybe some of both. I used to be okay with it as I could call my parents, but now I can’t. Sometimes I keep reliving the fact that no one has really acknowledged me in the fact I lost both parents, two years apart and unexpectedly. Not even a card from anyone when it happened. Maybe I have never really grieved their loss.
As I said, self-destruction. But as I write this, I believe tonight I will be pulling out my flower essence books and do a little research and make my own blend. A little for grief, a little for jealousy, a little for letting go of the past. And a little dose and maybe my world will again be my happy place.
And this holiday season, enjoy YOUR family.